Category: Opinion

A Matter of Semantics

On By SarahIn Friends & Family, Opinion, PoliticsLeave a comment

I was discouraged a few weeks ago after the California Supreme Court hearing on Proposition 8. While it looks likely that the court will not rule in favor of civil rights for the LGBT community, things are looking up in other parts of the world for marriage equality. The Iowa Supreme Court unanimously ruled that marriage is a civil right for same sex couples. The Vermont Legislature overrode Governor Douglas’s veto of the marriage equality bill in that state. Same sex marriage was legalized in Sweden.

Friends and acquaintances have suggested to me that perhaps we should be fighting for civil unions for all couples, ending state-sanctioned marriage altogether. It’s a nice idea, and it supports the separation of church and state, if you subscribe to the idea that the word “marriage” means a holy union sanctioned by God. However, this seems like an even bigger undertaking to me than simply fighting for marriage equality for all couples. Trying to enforce a paradigm of civil unions, no matter what the gender of the couples involved, would work in the US about as well as converting us all to using the metric system did back in the 1970s.

We can debate the merits and drawbacks of what we’re going to call our committed, consensual, adult, two-person family units and whether the state should recognize us as married couples or civilly unionized couples. Cultures and languages evolve naturally, and like it or not, marriage is the dominant paradigm. Additionally, the anti-gay activists will oppose any protections for same sex couples whether they’re called civil unions or marriages, so the struggle remains the same.

It is how people live and speak about their day-to-day lives that ultimately gives shape to our identities and our family units. Same sex couples live in the world as opposite sex couples. We have careers and families, and we are productive members of our communities. Our parents, friends, siblings, and neighbors respect us and count on us. Some of us are vulnerable and need protections of the state like any other citizens. The people of the United States believe in fairness and equality. In the fight for marriage equality we are on the right side of history, and we will one day win our civil rights and be able to legally marry.

My Petition to Geithner About the AIG Bonuses

On By SarahIn Opinion, Politics8 Comments

Today I signed the MoveOn petition to stop the AIG bonuses. Here is what I said:

I am outraged that my tax money is being used to pay bonuses to irresponsible executives who were motivated by greed, and wound up destroying the economy. I am already being unfairly taxed by thousands of dollars a year because my marriage is not allowed legal recognition in this country, and now I find out that my tax dollars are paying AIG executives bonuses. While my wife and I struggle to make ends meet, and while I watch my family, friends and neighbors deal with unaffordable housing and unemployment, I am enraged to know that my tax money is being used in this way.

I encourage you all to sign, too.

Marriage Equality Is About Marriage. Period.

On By SarahIn Friends & Family, Opinion, Politics6 Comments

I want to be legally married to my wife. I don’t want special rights, just the same rights that are granted to all heterosexual Americans. I don’t want to redefine marriage, rather I want my relationship with my spouse to be recognized and respected as a committed relationship just as other legal spouses are, with the same rights and responsibilities.

Within any same-sex union, marriage is marriage. In terms of how married couples live in the world, being in love, being committed, being responsible to and for each other, some times raising children, certainly working and paying taxes, being there for one another through sickness and health, prosperity and poverty, same-sex couples are no different than opposite-sex couples.

Whether between a man and a woman, two women, or two men, Marriage isn’t straight or gay. Marriage is marriage.

The marriage equality movement is about civil rights, not special rights, as our opponents continue to bark. As long as the media and popular culture continue to frame the marriage equality movement using the term of “gay marriage,” there will be people who see it as an issue of special rights and redefining marriage. This is simply not the case.

The other day on Twitter, the LA Times tweeted a headline about “gay marriage. ” I tweeted back asking that they use the term “marriage equality” instead. I was pleasantly surprised that someone actually tweeted back at me that “gay marriage” is actually in their style guide. This would never have occurred to me!

It turns out that the Associated Press Style Guide recommends using the term “gay marriage” (scroll down to the section on “Debates Over Terminology”) in articles about same-sex marriage, sometimes simply to save headline space! To their credit, they also recommend simply using the term “marriage” in articles about marriage equality. But clearly some education still needs to occur.

Since it’s updated every year, I think that supporters of marriage equality should lobby the AP to update that recommendation. I’m not entirely sure how to go about doing this, so I’m open to suggestion. However, I’m going to start simply by emailing their general info@ap.org address.

We started a civil rights revolution five years ago. We can certainly continue to influence this positive cultural shift.

Loving the Sinner, Not the Sin

On By SarahIn Opinion, Politics3 Comments

While the contraversy continues over Obama’s choice of Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at his inauguration, I find myself continually disappointed with much of the commentary and actions of some LGBT civil rights activists. Whether it’s Geoff Kors turning down his invitation to the event or John Cloud calling Obama a bigot, these are missteps that do not help our struggle.

I think its possible to respectfully voice our concerns and objections about the choice while remaining respectful. There is no doubt that I believe that disappointment and even anger over the choice is justified. What kind of message does it send that Obama has selected someone to bless his historic presidency who supports the ex-gay movement and who has publicly equated homosexuality with incest and pedophilia? Privilege is once again getting in the way of liberal straight people having a clear understanding of just how offensive and hurtful this is to us. Unfortunately, Obama’s choice makes it appear that he condones Warren’s perspective.

While I would urge my queer sisters and brothers speak up and be heard, I would also urge them to think carefully, strategically, and lovingly before doing so. As much as the choice of Warren hurts, we have an opportunity to engage in constructive dialog and make real strides towards civil rights. We can do so effectively by acting with forgiveness, compassion, and love. I am sad to see that some people are fanning the flames of hate and anger by calling people names and shutting people out with a futile all-or-nothing strategy. Indeed this amounts to us shutting our own selves out and setting our movement back.

It is not wrong to ask Obama to reconsider is choice in Rick Warren as Angela Clements did. But we need to have no expectation that he will. It is right to voice objection to giving a national stage to someone whose church’s membership is closed to anyone who lives an openly gay life. And it is right to identify bigotry where it is and call it into the light, but it is important not to conflate bigotry with ignorance.

Ignorance without love leads to bigotry, no doubt, but Warren has said that he intends to act with love. I accept this at face value. While Warren now denies ever saying those ugly things about homosexuality instead of repenting for the sin, to me his denial shows some movement on his part towards recognizing that some of the teachings of his theology are hurtful to people that he claims to love.

For my part, I hope that Warren continues down the path toward repentance for his sins and appologize to the LGBT community for what he has said and taught his flock to believe about us. Meanwhile, the LGBT community needs to keep to the high road of forgiveness and openness, even as we express our anger and hurt. Melissa Etheridge is a role model in how she has reached out to Pastor Warren. The healing is going to be a process, not a conversion experience.

A Place at the Table

On By SarahIn Community, Opinion, Politics2 Comments

Like my queer sisters and brothers, I am very disappointed in the choice of Rick Warren to lead the invocation at the  presidential inauguration of Barack Obama. Indeed, he has said things about us that are extremely ignorant, hurtful, and prejudiced. For our civil rights agenda, Warren was the absolutely wrong choice. But I disagree with those who claim that Obama’s choice of Warren is any sort of signal to us that he isn’t leaving a place at the table for us.

Indeed, he has, more than anyone who has come close to holding the Office of the President, sent signals to the gay community that we do have a place at the table. It may not be exactly in the way that we want it, but we have an opportunity to move our civil rights agenda forward in a way that we never have before.

Now I learned today that Geoff Kors, the Executive Director of Equality California, is literally giving up his place at Obama’s table. In a purely symbolic gesture to protest Warren’s invitation, Kors is giving up an opportunity to represent queers and the #1 civil rights issue of our time at one of the most historically significant events ever. This accomplishes nothing positive for us.

We have every reason to be outraged at Obama’s choice, and it is right to point out Obama’s flawed decision. But, it is a mistake for us to squander any of our precious resources on a futile effort to convince Obama to rescind the invitation.

We have been fighting for a place at the table for so long, and now that we finally have one, Geoff Kors is trying to make his attendance conditional with nothing to leverage. The only ones who lose out by his decision to turn down this opportunity is the LGBT community. We can get the message of our disapproval, hurt and anger across without sacrificing this opportunity to represent ourselves and our cause.

Finally, I urge Geoff Kors to ask himself what Jesus would do. The answer is that he would make a place at the table for everyone, including the likes of Rick Warren. We need to do the same.