Minding the Semantics of Marriage Equality

On By SarahIn Opinion, Politics, TwitterLeave a comment

I’ve been seeing a lot of headlines in the press, mainstream and LGBT, about marriage equality framed in the term “gay marriage.” Here is an example from a tweet from the National Center for Lesbian Rights.

I it unfortunate that “gay marriage” is the term that has stuck in the popular vernacular. My wife and I were on the front lines in the beginning of this civil rights movement when it began in 2004.  At that time, we were coached by the leading activists of the movement, including many folks from NCLR, not to talk about “gay marriage,” but rather same-sex marriage or marriage equality. There are many good reasons not to use the term “gay marriage.

On of the reasons I am opposed to the “gay marriage” frame is that many lesbians, myself included, don’t identify as “gay.” “Gay” is by and large a term used to describe homosexual men, and as a woman, I simply don’t identify. Gay is gender specific and exclusive of women.

Perhaps more importantly, the term “gay marriage” frames the civil rights issue as if the institution of marriage would be different for same-sex couples. Someone once said to me “we don’t want a disco version of marriage! We want equal marriage rights!”

I also understand the fact that “gay marriage” is the dominant paradigm, and that when people do a news search about it they are not going to search for marriage equality. Bloggers, journalists, and activists want their web pages to appear in the search, so they have to use the terms, too. I know, also, that “gay” is three letters and will take up far less real estate in a headline or a 140-character tweet.

However, is is too much to ask the queer press to at least make an effort to frame the national conversation differently? The example of the tweet that I cited before from NCLR didn’t take up nearly Twitter’s 140-character limit.

I understand the reasons why so many in the queer press write and talk about same-sex marriage using the frame of “gay marriage,” but I see plenty of opportunities where people can be mindful and talk about marriage equality instead. I fear that “gay marriage” has become so pervasive that we in the marriage equality movement have fully adopted it, too.

I sincerely hope that people will be more mindful and change the frame of the conversation whenever the opportunity arises.

Wanting Better from the Media on Race

On By SarahIn OpinionLeave a comment

As representatives of the fourth leg of democracy, I wish that reporters had framed differently the coverage of President Obama’s meeting with Henry Louis Gates, Jr. and Sgt. James Crowley. Framing the meeting as a “beer summit” is immediately dismissive of what could be an important turning point in the public discourse on race. The intention of this meeting wasn’t to solve the problem of racism in this country, as some of the questions from the press may have suggested.

I think that President Obama is smart enough to understand that one meeting over a beer isn’t going to provide the necessary platform to heal the nation of it’s wounds about the legacy of slavery. However, I think that an informal meeting over a beer can diffuse a painful situation on a topic that many Americans have been quick to respond to and have many difficult conversations about.

No one is perfect in this conversation; I have no problem believing that Gates lost his cool when it probably wasn’t appropriate; I don’t think that Obama chose his words well when he said that the Cambridge police acted stupidly; I have no doubt that Sgt. Crowley would never have arrested Dr. Gates had he been a white man. These are all actions that are going to provoke justifiable anger.

The ugliness of racism is a reality that we all live with. White people can’t know what it’s like to experience racism, and people of all colors are burdened with the guilt of racism, try as we might to resist it within ourselves. We may not be racists, but we sometimes act in racist ways, most times with the opposite intentions.

We have to come together in honesty, empathy, and forgiveness for ourselves and each other. Whether it’s over a beer,  a cup of coffee, or over Facebook, I think we need to risk saying stupid things, be ready to apologize, and be ready to forgive. This is the only way we’re going to be able to foster real healing on the issue of racism.

A Matter of Semantics

On By SarahIn Friends & Family, Opinion, PoliticsLeave a comment

I was discouraged a few weeks ago after the California Supreme Court hearing on Proposition 8. While it looks likely that the court will not rule in favor of civil rights for the LGBT community, things are looking up in other parts of the world for marriage equality. The Iowa Supreme Court unanimously ruled that marriage is a civil right for same sex couples. The Vermont Legislature overrode Governor Douglas’s veto of the marriage equality bill in that state. Same sex marriage was legalized in Sweden.

Friends and acquaintances have suggested to me that perhaps we should be fighting for civil unions for all couples, ending state-sanctioned marriage altogether. It’s a nice idea, and it supports the separation of church and state, if you subscribe to the idea that the word “marriage” means a holy union sanctioned by God. However, this seems like an even bigger undertaking to me than simply fighting for marriage equality for all couples. Trying to enforce a paradigm of civil unions, no matter what the gender of the couples involved, would work in the US about as well as converting us all to using the metric system did back in the 1970s.

We can debate the merits and drawbacks of what we’re going to call our committed, consensual, adult, two-person family units and whether the state should recognize us as married couples or civilly unionized couples. Cultures and languages evolve naturally, and like it or not, marriage is the dominant paradigm. Additionally, the anti-gay activists will oppose any protections for same sex couples whether they’re called civil unions or marriages, so the struggle remains the same.

It is how people live and speak about their day-to-day lives that ultimately gives shape to our identities and our family units. Same sex couples live in the world as opposite sex couples. We have careers and families, and we are productive members of our communities. Our parents, friends, siblings, and neighbors respect us and count on us. Some of us are vulnerable and need protections of the state like any other citizens. The people of the United States believe in fairness and equality. In the fight for marriage equality we are on the right side of history, and we will one day win our civil rights and be able to legally marry.

My Petition to Geithner About the AIG Bonuses

On By SarahIn Opinion, Politics8 Comments

Today I signed the MoveOn petition to stop the AIG bonuses. Here is what I said:

I am outraged that my tax money is being used to pay bonuses to irresponsible executives who were motivated by greed, and wound up destroying the economy. I am already being unfairly taxed by thousands of dollars a year because my marriage is not allowed legal recognition in this country, and now I find out that my tax dollars are paying AIG executives bonuses. While my wife and I struggle to make ends meet, and while I watch my family, friends and neighbors deal with unaffordable housing and unemployment, I am enraged to know that my tax money is being used in this way.

I encourage you all to sign, too.

Food Porn: Bacon, Goat Cheese, and Carmelized Onion Tart

On By SarahIn Uncategorized1 Comment


Tart Cooling

Originally uploaded by silly.goose

Oh. My. God. This is one of my most favorite things in the whole world. Gillian recently made this tart for a potluck that I went to. She was coming down with a nasty virus that day, poor thing, so she had enough energy to make the tart, but not the potluck. She didn’t get any, so today we’re having a do-over (and the people at the potluck were very impressed — luckily there were no vegans or vegetarians there).

Here is the recipe:

Crust

* 1/2 c. unsalted butter, cold
* 1 1/4 c. all-purpose flour
* 1/4 c. stone ground cornmeal
* 1/2 t. kosher salt
* 3 oz. cream cheese, cut into 4 chunks
* 2-3 T. ice water

1. Cut the butter into small cubes and freeze for 15 minutes
2. In a food processor with the metal blade, blend flour, cornmeal and salt. Add cream cheese and process for about 20 seconds or until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Add butter and pulse until it is pea size. Add ice water 1/2 tablespoon at a time and process for about 30 seconds, until a pinch of dough holds together.
3. Dump the dough directly onto a sheet of plastic wrap and knead until it holds together. Shape into a disk and place in refrigerator for at least 30 minutes (but no longer than three hours, otherwise you’ll need to let it sit out for a while at room temp until you can work with it).

Filling

Prepare while dough is chilling

* 8 slices of thick cut bacon (we sometimes use a little less)
* 1 T olive oil
* 2 lbs. (4 lg) onions, thinly sliced
* 1/2 t. kosher salt
* 1/2 t. fresh thyme (we use at least twice as much; do it to your taste)
* 3/4 c. crumbled goat cheese
* 3-4 T. milk (to brush on the crust after it’s assembled)

1. Dice the bacon into lardons (narrow strips, cutting cross-wise)
2. Saute until half-way cooked. Discard all but 2 T. of bacon fat. Set bacon aside.
3. Add olive oil to bacon fat, and saute onions, adding the salt. Cook onions until golden brown, about 35-45 minutes.*

Assembly

1. Pre-heat the oven to 375 degrees.
2. On parchment, roll the dough out into a rough circle about 1/8 inch thick, and 14-16 inches in diameter.
3. Lift the parchment and dough onto a baking sheet.
4. Spread the onions over the crust, leaving a 1/2 inch boarder. Sprinkle the bacon, thyme and cheese (we recommend in that order) over the onions.
5. Fold the edges of the crust and brush with milk.
6. Bake for 30-35 minutes.

And voila! You have a gorgeous, rustic, and savory tart. Please enjoy!

* We sometimes like to use the slow process for caramelizing the onions. Cook over very low heat for several hours (anywhere from 2-12). They literally melt, turning to a butter-like consistence. It is well worth the wait!