Marriage Equality Is About Marriage. Period.

On By SarahIn Friends & Family, Opinion, Politics6 Comments

I want to be legally married to my wife. I don’t want special rights, just the same rights that are granted to all heterosexual Americans. I don’t want to redefine marriage, rather I want my relationship with my spouse to be recognized and respected as a committed relationship just as other legal spouses are, with the same rights and responsibilities.

Within any same-sex union, marriage is marriage. In terms of how married couples live in the world, being in love, being committed, being responsible to and for each other, some times raising children, certainly working and paying taxes, being there for one another through sickness and health, prosperity and poverty, same-sex couples are no different than opposite-sex couples.

Whether between a man and a woman, two women, or two men, Marriage isn’t straight or gay. Marriage is marriage.

The marriage equality movement is about civil rights, not special rights, as our opponents continue to bark. As long as the media and popular culture continue to frame the marriage equality movement using the term of “gay marriage,” there will be people who see it as an issue of special rights and redefining marriage. This is simply not the case.

The other day on Twitter, the LA Times tweeted a headline about “gay marriage. ” I tweeted back asking that they use the term “marriage equality” instead. I was pleasantly surprised that someone actually tweeted back at me that “gay marriage” is actually in their style guide. This would never have occurred to me!

It turns out that the Associated Press Style Guide recommends using the term “gay marriage” (scroll down to the section on “Debates Over Terminology”) in articles about same-sex marriage, sometimes simply to save headline space! To their credit, they also recommend simply using the term “marriage” in articles about marriage equality. But clearly some education still needs to occur.

Since it’s updated every year, I think that supporters of marriage equality should lobby the AP to update that recommendation. I’m not entirely sure how to go about doing this, so I’m open to suggestion. However, I’m going to start simply by emailing their general info@ap.org address.

We started a civil rights revolution five years ago. We can certainly continue to influence this positive cultural shift.

Counting Our Blessings

On By SarahIn Community, Friends & Family, Gratitude, Spirituality, Things I ♥Leave a comment

This week has been a doozie for my family; a death in the family; a divorce; a lost job; and many serious health problems.

In response to all of this, Dad sent out an email to all of us this week asking us all to share good news, he being the first to collect some really choice pieces:

  • Noah had a successful piano recital
  • Alex won an important prize at art school
  • Max got a sports casting internship
  • Phoebe will be in an ice skating show this May
  • Faye is having an art exhibit in New York
  • Sarah (my niece) was elected Student Body Vice President at her college
  • Rick received an Eagle Scout award
  • Elizabeth was recently reacquainted with an old family friend who has published a book
  • Elise got a part in the school play
  • Dad recently celebrated his 77th birthday, where Rachel helped him unwrap his presents. Daughter Sarah (me) was also there from out of town to help celebrate.
  • Martin learned how to whistle (his dad still can’t)
  • Andrew read a poem at the MLK celebration at his school
  • Robyn and Charlie finally replace the 20-year-old linoleum in their home
  • Margaret and Sarah (me) both had positive reviews at their jobs
  • Sarah (niece) won some sort of spaghetti wrestling competition at college

You can probably tell that these are mostly grand kids and young nephews and nieces. Children most certainly are a blessing and a joy, and I think that we grownups need to learn from them to look within us and around us and count all of our blessings. It makes me realize that it is the small things that are bringing me joy and satisfaction, as well as appreciating the larger things that I take for granted.

Last week, my new friend Jean made me aware of a gratitude meme on Twitter, asking people to participate in an online and real life dialog about all the things they are grateful for. I have been thinking about all that I’m grateful for ever since, so when Dad sent out the email calling on us to share everything positive that is happening in our lives, it really resonated with me. Even the small things that seem mundane can make a difference in the right direction. Here are some things that I am grateful for:

  • A job and career that provides for my family and gives me personal satisfaction
  • An exceptionally strange and wonderful family that I adore, whether they realize it or not
  • Getting acquainted with old friends through social networking tools, many of whom I wouldn’t have any idea how to reach
  • Five years of marriage to the love of my life, and the community that supports our relationship
  • My yoga practice that is making me increasingly mindful, open-hearted, and grounded
  • My beautiful home in my favorite city
  • Watching the drama of the change of seasons
  • Challenges, past and present, that make me stronger, and life lessons that I continue to learn from years later
  • The incredible generosity of my parents who provided me with everything that I need (and then some) to lead a meaningful life

So when the stress of my job rears its ugly head, making me cranky and moody and blue, or when personal drama threatens to bring me down, I now react by taking a step back, breathe deeply, and think of all of these the wonderful things in my life. This is not to deny the reality of the things that are hard, and sometimes suck, but to simply look at the good stuff along side of those challenges recognize the opportunities.

What are you grateful for?

Loving the Sinner, Not the Sin

On By SarahIn Opinion, Politics3 Comments

While the contraversy continues over Obama’s choice of Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at his inauguration, I find myself continually disappointed with much of the commentary and actions of some LGBT civil rights activists. Whether it’s Geoff Kors turning down his invitation to the event or John Cloud calling Obama a bigot, these are missteps that do not help our struggle.

I think its possible to respectfully voice our concerns and objections about the choice while remaining respectful. There is no doubt that I believe that disappointment and even anger over the choice is justified. What kind of message does it send that Obama has selected someone to bless his historic presidency who supports the ex-gay movement and who has publicly equated homosexuality with incest and pedophilia? Privilege is once again getting in the way of liberal straight people having a clear understanding of just how offensive and hurtful this is to us. Unfortunately, Obama’s choice makes it appear that he condones Warren’s perspective.

While I would urge my queer sisters and brothers speak up and be heard, I would also urge them to think carefully, strategically, and lovingly before doing so. As much as the choice of Warren hurts, we have an opportunity to engage in constructive dialog and make real strides towards civil rights. We can do so effectively by acting with forgiveness, compassion, and love. I am sad to see that some people are fanning the flames of hate and anger by calling people names and shutting people out with a futile all-or-nothing strategy. Indeed this amounts to us shutting our own selves out and setting our movement back.

It is not wrong to ask Obama to reconsider is choice in Rick Warren as Angela Clements did. But we need to have no expectation that he will. It is right to voice objection to giving a national stage to someone whose church’s membership is closed to anyone who lives an openly gay life. And it is right to identify bigotry where it is and call it into the light, but it is important not to conflate bigotry with ignorance.

Ignorance without love leads to bigotry, no doubt, but Warren has said that he intends to act with love. I accept this at face value. While Warren now denies ever saying those ugly things about homosexuality instead of repenting for the sin, to me his denial shows some movement on his part towards recognizing that some of the teachings of his theology are hurtful to people that he claims to love.

For my part, I hope that Warren continues down the path toward repentance for his sins and appologize to the LGBT community for what he has said and taught his flock to believe about us. Meanwhile, the LGBT community needs to keep to the high road of forgiveness and openness, even as we express our anger and hurt. Melissa Etheridge is a role model in how she has reached out to Pastor Warren. The healing is going to be a process, not a conversion experience.

Welcome Winter, Everywhere! Brr!

On By SarahIn Uncategorized2 Comments

Smallest violin in the world for my sister in Portland
Smallest violin in the world.

This is a post especially for my sister in Portland who wrote the family today to beg for sympathy about the dramatic and unusual snow and cold temperatures they are having there this week. I know they’re not used to it, and Portland doesn’t have snow removal equipment. Yep 21 is pretty cold, but it won’t last. It sounds like a fun adventure compared to what we have here in Chicago. It just doesn’t compare to 3 below, with a *30 below* wind chill. And our family in Minnesota is experiencing slightly colder temperatures.

I just have to give her a bit of a hard time about it. Some snow days at home with your kids during Christmas week sounds downright cozy and sweet.

A Place at the Table

On By SarahIn Community, Opinion, Politics2 Comments

Like my queer sisters and brothers, I am very disappointed in the choice of Rick Warren to lead the invocation at the  presidential inauguration of Barack Obama. Indeed, he has said things about us that are extremely ignorant, hurtful, and prejudiced. For our civil rights agenda, Warren was the absolutely wrong choice. But I disagree with those who claim that Obama’s choice of Warren is any sort of signal to us that he isn’t leaving a place at the table for us.

Indeed, he has, more than anyone who has come close to holding the Office of the President, sent signals to the gay community that we do have a place at the table. It may not be exactly in the way that we want it, but we have an opportunity to move our civil rights agenda forward in a way that we never have before.

Now I learned today that Geoff Kors, the Executive Director of Equality California, is literally giving up his place at Obama’s table. In a purely symbolic gesture to protest Warren’s invitation, Kors is giving up an opportunity to represent queers and the #1 civil rights issue of our time at one of the most historically significant events ever. This accomplishes nothing positive for us.

We have every reason to be outraged at Obama’s choice, and it is right to point out Obama’s flawed decision. But, it is a mistake for us to squander any of our precious resources on a futile effort to convince Obama to rescind the invitation.

We have been fighting for a place at the table for so long, and now that we finally have one, Geoff Kors is trying to make his attendance conditional with nothing to leverage. The only ones who lose out by his decision to turn down this opportunity is the LGBT community. We can get the message of our disapproval, hurt and anger across without sacrificing this opportunity to represent ourselves and our cause.

Finally, I urge Geoff Kors to ask himself what Jesus would do. The answer is that he would make a place at the table for everyone, including the likes of Rick Warren. We need to do the same.