Resisting Racism

On By SarahIn Politics1 Comment

I read a great editorial by Eugene Robinson of the Washington Post about Michael Richards’ recent racist tirade in a comedy club. Richards publicly apologized multiple times after the incident, claiming that he’s “not racist.” Robinson dismisses his claim of not being a racist, and I’m so glad to see that opinion out there. Robinson says “Don’t tell me racism is dead. It just shuns the light of day.”

Its disheartening to see so much of the reaction towards Richards’ tirade calling for people just to forget it, let it go. Forgiveness is appropriate, yes, but we must all take the opportunity to learn from something like this. I believe that Richards is truly sorry for what he did, but he’s still not getting it.

Richards claiming that he’s “not a racist” is a way to shirk responsibility for the ugliness that lurks in his heart. And how can he help it? He lives in the same racist culture that we all do. It is impossible to live in this world and not learn prejudice and racist attitudes, even if we’re not aware of it.

However, the words that he spoke were shocking, truly jaw-dropping. What he said was hurtful and ugly, not just something that someone blurts out in a turrets-like outburst. It seems to me that the nature of what he said had to have been calculated and premeditated. He had to have known exactly what he was saying in the moment.

One of the best ways to resist racism is to recognize it in yourself and take responsibility for it with purposeful change. It’s not pleasant to recognize ugly prejudice in yourself, and its humbling to admit that its there. But the only way to really change is to admit that you need to in the first place.

Towards Marriage Equality

On By SarahIn Friends & Family, Opinion, Politics1 Comment

South Africa recently legalized same-sex marriage and declared the same inheritance rights of heterosexual married couples. Mexico just passed legislation supporting same-sex civil unions. In 2005, Spain gave same-sex couples the right to marry.

I didn’t used to care about marriage. I didn’t used to want to be like dysfunctional straight people. I didn’t want to emulate a relationship that was not natural to me.

I didn’t want to be married. Until I met Gillian.

Now I understand why I need the right to marry Gillian, and that this is really a civil rights battle. For me, marriage is not about fitting in or changing the paradigm of marriage. Plain and simple, for me marriage is about love, family, and home. We don’t want to redefine marriage, we just want to build a life together, and we want to make sure that we can take care of each other. There are people who would like to make that impossible, or very difficult at the very least. Gay rights is not all about being able to get married, but I do think that raising the visibility of this issue could be a way for the straight world to see us as more human and less “other.”

I live in a part of the world where Gillian and I are accepted as a couple. No one here questions who we are to each other. We have never had to fight or risk anything because people, even when they are homophobic to some degree, respect our relationship. Our family loves us and support us and celebrated with us when we got married. We are privileged in many ways that others are not, so Gillian and I feel a responsibility to fight for the rights of others who live in more dangerous places and truly need the protections we are fighting for.

We recently watched the documentary Dangerous Living, which is about people coming out in the Third World, and its really terrifying and inspirational. The film focuses on the 52 Egyptian men who were arrested in 2001 for being gay and out, as well as following the stories of gay men and lesbians, all activists from other countries, their decision to come out, and the danger they face as a consequence.

I remember hearing about the Cairo 52 on the news when it was happening, and feeling really distant from it, thinking “gosh, that really sucks, but what can I do about it.” It is so easy to do nothing when something terrible like that doesn’t impact you directly, or at least doesn’t seem to. Seeing those interviews made me see the human face of this terrible injustice. These were people just like me and my friends and family, trying to create a vibrant and loving community and being persecuted for it. Some are just trying to survive, which in some places is revolutionary in and of itself.

I really hope that most people, regardless of what they think about being queer, would agree that no one deserves to be imprisoned or beaten or terrorized or killed for being different. Is it such a revolutionary idea that all people, regardless of their differences, should be treated with respect?

We are gaining civil rights all over the world. I am thrilled and hopeful, and so happy that South Africans and Mexicans will now have the right to marry whomever they choose. I am also frustrated and enraged that this backwards culture that I live in won’t recognize our families or our love. We’re on the right side of history, as my friend Rebecca says, and that gives me the courage to persevere.

Holiday Musings

On By SarahIn Art & Culture, OpinionLeave a comment

The holidays are upon us, and I realize that in all my entire adult life I have never really enjoyed myself at this time of year. Every positive association is a memory, and each year I try to cope by enacting old traditions that I remember from my childhood: decorations, lights, music, wishes for peace on earth, the warm way that old friends get in touch with each other, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, etc. All of these are wonderful traditions that make me feel warm and fuzzy, but those feelings are often overridden by feelings of inadequacy brought on by the consumer society that I am a part of that every day bombards all of us with advertisements that try to persuade us that we will not be happy, complete, or fulfilled unless we possess the crap they are trying to sell us. And we all fall for it, no matter how conscious we are of that little devil on our shoulders.

I end up waxing nostalgic. I hear myself saying things like: “When I was a kid, people didn’t stand outside department stores in the wee hours to get their kids the hottest toy that everybody wanted.” But the reality is that there probably was some equivalent, and I’m just remembering differently. I find myself getting depressed because I never have enough money to get presents for everyone on my list, or that I didn’t get it together early enough to get my holiday cards out on time, or that I didn’t come up with idea or have the time or the energy to make home-made truffles put in pretty little boxes for all of my friends.

And then, of course, there is the news. Inevitably there are stories of violence and tragedy from around the world, tsunamis, war, raping and pillaging, domestic violence, drive-by shootings here in Oakland, and tales of parents fighting in the aisles of Wal-Mart over the last Elmo TMX. What in the heck are we teaching our children?

And I don’t even do family on the holidays any more. I am not principled about it or anything. It just doesn’t make sense to me to go through the chaos of the airports, standing in lines and waiting interminably amidst screaming toddlers, stressing out on the plane through take-off, turbulence, and landing, only to be with every member of my family for a short visit, not having quality time with any of them, dealing with short tempers and the pressure of creating precious memories for the scrapbook. I love my family, absolutely adore them. They are all exceptional people whom I respect and admire individually. Getting all of us together can be fun, too. I love telling stories, talking religion and politics with them, reminiscing, the whole thing. Just not on the holidays.

I have gone through so many holiday seasons totally self-absorbed, immobilized by consumerism, violence, natural disaster, degradation to the environment, light deficiency syndrome, loneliness, and people just hating each other. There have been many years when I just can’t wait for the holidays to be over. It shouldn’t be this way!

So, I have a resolution to reclaim the holidays, create new traditions with my wife, and do what I really love to do. Our church has taken the concept of “International Buy Nothing Day” (the day after Thanksgiving) one step further to proclaim it “International Give-Away Day.” Gillian and I are adopting this concept as a tradition into our life. Gift-giving will be minimal, and we will instead focus on giving philanthropically, and instead of acquiring things that we don’t need, we will give away the things that we don’t need.

I am resolved to prioritize joy and love this holiday season (and every season here after). I am going to send simple holiday cards just to let friends know that they are loved, I am going to make truffles with Gillian because it is fun and we enjoy doing it, we are going to entertain a few friends because we love them, we are going to have some special holiday meals because we enjoy cooking and eating, I am going to watch my favorite holiday TV specials because they are great, and Gillian and I are going to go to church because we think its fun (yes, our church is fun and inspirational) and we’re going to get an injection of love with which to go forward and create peace with justice and love in our community in our own small way.

That is really all we can do. I can’t create world peace by myself. All I can do is make a place in the world where I can help to create and be a part of the community that I want to live in, perhaps be a model for others, and just relax and enjoy all that is beautiful about the holidays.

Today I am thankful for…

On By SarahIn Food & Cooking, Friends & Family, Fun & EntertainmentLeave a comment

Turkey
Mashed potatoes
Butternut squash with ginger, lemon, butter, and honey
Brussels sprouts with bacon and thyme
Home-made cranberry sauce
Oyster cornbread stuffing
Shitake mushroom gravy
Maple pecan pie
Beaujolais
Amazing smells eminating from the kitchen
Gillian’s cooking tallent
Elastic waistbands
My beautiful wife to share this day and this meal with